I should not have been surprised when I weighed myself this morning. My first, post-Christmas post mortem showed my current tonnage at 245 lbs. That's the equivalent of two of my twelve year old son stuffed into my clothes with a spare Thanksgiving turkey stuffed in there somewhere. My wife and daughter would have to jam in with a 32" flatscreen TV to match my displacement.
Meanwhile gravity has not been kind to me as it's effect has increased. Ankles and knees are still holding up the load but I don't have to listen hard to hear the stress moans. I like to think about my brick house as a sturdy structure but it is as old as I am and I wouldn't want to be living on the bottom floor if two more floors got dropped on it. I won't try to find an analogy for my rapidly melting jowls.
One of the greatest health risks for a stay at home dad is the Incredible Expanding Gut. If your used to working in an office, imagine if they put your desk in the kitchen. Add a stressful holiday where the only outlet for stress is eating and watching sports on TV until your ass sprouts roots and you have a recipe for Diabetes. It's time for me to stop the madness.
Just so you know, I have been on a diet for about 35 years with varying results. Since I have been staying at home with the kids the battle has been more a retreat but I am ready to put all of my years of dietetic knowledge to use. Tomorrow I will unveil the basics of my diet and the results from the first two days. Nothing short of a 50 lb loss will be considered a success but I'll be freaking if I can slice a small canned ham off my belly by Chinese New Years.
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