Back To School Guilt Trip

The kids went back to school today and the ReInvented Wife headed back to work. All were sad throughout Sunday at the prospect of real life again. Back to spending the day doing the bidding of "The Man". Getting everyone up and out of the house is a chore that had the added bonus of shoveling fresh snow but it lasts an hour, maybe 90 minutes and then the house is empty except for me and the ReInvented Dog. While my two kids and wife lament that their lives are not their own, my life is all my own. I am alone, with my dog and my freedom and a guilt that can feel suffocating.

From the dawn of time until perhaps thirty years ago the idea of the man nesting and gathering while the woman went on the hunt was absurd. Neither nature nor nurture has prepared me for this role even though it is best. Never does this guilt lay heavier on my pride more than the first day that the family goes off to a hard days work while I stay home to nurse a cup of coffee and figure out what to do with my life.

I don't feel guilty when I pick up the kids at three and proceed to feed, nurture, tutor, entertain and maintain them until they go to bed. I won't feel guilty when they are home from school 2 out of 5 weekdays due to holidays, sick days and innumerable school administerative days off. I won't feel guilty when I am running up to the school at 10:30 to watch a concert. I certainly didn't feel guilty when I tried to do all of those things with real jobs and real bosses who always, eventually concluded that they wanted employees who could actually work a real schedule.

Stay at home fathers aren't paid the big bucks for what they do when the rest of the family is in servitude. Our sacrifice is giving up the ability to serve other masters in exchange for serving our own kin. At the age of 47 it's far too late for me to head to California and sleep in my car until I get the dream job making movies. My life doesn't belong to me any more than it belongs to the ReInvented wife with her suckass job or my two kids with their suckass teachers.

Still, as I nurse my coffee and vent into my computer, the guilt won't completely go away despite all of my best rationale. Then I wonder if I would feel any better in any other circumstances or is this just the way I am encoded, by nature, to think. Is it against human nature to be satisfied with any situation? I would love to ask Tiger Woods that question this morning.