The Sound Of Music Acid Test

Obviously men are hardwired differently than women. Emotional judgements and appreciations are often diametrically opposite between the sexes. The Reinvened Wife tells me with obsessive frequency that I am stony a Cro-Magnon and yet I think that I am an overly sentimental puppy dog. I soar and swoon with every mood shift of my wife. I feel the sting of every physical or emotional injury sustained by my children. I honestly cannot smile for two days after a Steelers loss. Since we do not have the benefit of seeing ourselves as others see us we can do a little research on our emotional selves by examining how Daddy and Mommy view popular culture. This insight may or may not help your relationship but to quote a very smart bookie I once knew, “Smart beats stupid two out of three times.”

One of the most accurate and directed emotional thermometer in pop culture would be the “Sound Of Music” test. This musical mishmash of schmaltzy sentimentality and Nazis has proved to be a relationship staple since 1965. It is ironic that this icon to the feminine sensibility would come out the same year that unveiled the ultimate traveling icon of the masculine sensibility, the Rolling Stones. Both test relationships regularly. Women nestle their mates onto the coach for a long night of Rogers and Hammerstein just as men drag their better halves to a packed stadium for a night of Jagger and Richards. How we come away from these trials tells us where our emotional temperature is.

I always come away from “The Sound Of Music” with three clear conclusions:

1. Those children were so much better behaved before that wench Maria showed up. She isn't there two scenes and the kids are literally hanging from the trees.

2. When the Mother Superior sings “Climb Every Mountain” she clearly wants to make the Nazis look good by contrast. The performance is so sadistically saccarin that diabetics need a hit of insulin before watching it. Even women go to the refrigerator during this showkiller.

3. When the Colonel starts to sing odes to mountain shrubbery he loses all believability as a U-boat commander. The writers either took liberty with his song choice or his military career.

If your opinions mirror mine I can spare your wife the breath and tell you that you are an unsentimental bastard. You are also absolutely normal, if that is your goal. Men have been unsentimental bastards at least since the invention of marriage so it must not be a serious relationship threat. It does, however, mean that you need to take steps to project healthier emotions. You may not agree with the emotions that you will be projecting but there is a big difference between 'being' emotionally honest and 'appearing' emotionally healthy. Put another way: if 'being' emotionally honest got you into this mess and 'appearing' emotionally healthy can get you out of it. Woman will appreciate the effort eitherway.