3 Sentences Can Save Your Marriage

You will know that your marriage is no longer eligible for annulment when you first hear this phrase, “I just wish I could talk to you like one of my girlfriends.” Early on in our marriage my reaction to this was usually something clever like, “Fine, call one while I go out for a drink.” I would be upset that the woman in whom I had invested the rest of my life valued the opinions of her friends over mine. Only years later did I realize that she did not value their opinions at all. She valued the fact that they would not have any.

When the ReInvented Wife calls a girlfriend and says; “Would you believe?”, “Okay, tell me if I'm crazy or not?” or “I need your opinion on something.” the question is strictly rhetorical. If a friend were to put time and thought into an honest answer she would stop being a true girlfriend. There are only three things a girlfriend needs to say in response to a phone call and they had better stick to the script. Some pronouns may vary but the action verbs are consistent. Here they are but don't tell your wife that you know:

1.) “YOU ARE SO RIGHT.”
2.) “AFTER ALL YOU'VE DONE FOR HIM?!!”
3.) “F@#* HIM!!!”

So now the next time you want to be her “girlfriend” you know what to say. Say it verbatim. Creativity will only cost you points. If it doesn't seem important to be your wife's best friend you have serious issues to resolve immediately. To better frame the problem we have to look back to our not so distant ancestors for clarification.

Millions of years of trial and error taught the Homo Sapien male to hide a broken arm from hungry predators or ambitious rivals who would pounce on any weakness. Modern man hides his social, psychological and physical injuries due to this vestigial fear. Exposing a problem is the modern equivalent of showing a bloody wound which could have been a fatal mistake to our distant ancestors. This is a lot of baggage to offload in one generation. The next time your wife nags you to go to the doctor over a trivial ailment you can tell her that you don't want the doctor to bludgeon you with a rock.

Women, on the other hand, tend to externalize when faced with difficulties. Nature has taught them that expressing a problem to trusted loved ones can provide comfort and aid. Gathering and nurturing requires cooperation and inter-reliance. Injury to one is treated as an injury to the group.

In the old world a matriarch protected and organized three or more generations of women while the men often led very separate lives. Thus, Mommies have an instinctive need to share their every weakness with someone they trust to be there for them with comfort and genuine interest. Now you understand why you can't get your wife off the phone with her mother.

The modern man who elects to become the gatherer and nurturer needs to understand that communication and cooperation is a key to his family's success. This openness does not come naturally for the human male but it is an essential evolution of the species and he should take pride in it. Opening the ears, opening the books and opening the wounds are basic building blocks in a great marriage.
All of that said, never begrudge your wife her friendships. Her friends protect you from emotional radiation that you do not want to be exposed to. Entertaining every facet of her personality could lead you to a dangerous level of schizophrenia. Embrace her sisterhood and keep it at arms length at the same time.

Simply put, treat her the way you want to be treated and keep in mind how often you want your friends to tell you:

“YOU ARE SO RIGHT.”
“AFTER ALL YOU'VE DONE FOR HER?!!”
“F@#* HER!!!”